Title: Further
I Fall
Author: Christi (
Rating: PG
Category: Ronon angst with a side of Ronon/Teyla
Timeline: Sometime not too terribly long after Runner.
Author’s Note: kate98 and caroly_214 beta’d, and for
that, I am very thankful. Oh, and the title is yanked from Ender Will Save Us All by Dashboard Confessional. (My little sister’s influence. Oy.) The rest of the song
has nothing to do with this fic, but that particular
verse was a bit disturbingly accurate.
--
The
rhythmic pounding of feet against the metal floor of Atlantis was mind-numbing
for most, a hypnotizing background noise of life going on as usual. The average
worker found it soothing if they noticed it at all, a r
For Ronon, the constant subtle noise seemed deafening.
Every
sound—the squeak of a shoe against a slippery surface, the pad of feet on cold
metal, the rustle of grey military uniforms—screamed, echoed in a mind too used
to silence.
Rationally,
he knew Atlantis was safe—people told him so everyday. But Ronon
had spent seven years on the run, a flurry of motion that never dared stop. As
it turned out, it was a hard habit to break.
He ran
with Sheppard every morning—but he ran alone almost every morning for hours
before that, with no shoes, shirt, or sense of decorum to restrict him. His
path was random, his aim unclear—he merely tore down the halls blindly,
obsessing over the echo of each footstep that rang out as his bare feet slammed
into the smooth silver floor.
But no
matter how long or how far he ran, nothing was ever silent here. In the center
of the city, hustle and bustle of daily life ricocheted against halls too long
accustomed to being vacant. McKay’s voice always carried out of the labs,
strident and insistent. From the armory came the hum of equipment and the guard
who was stationed there. Even further out, where the Earthlings had yet to take
over, there lurked an uneasy whisper—restless voices of the dead in eerily
So he ran
harder, faster, trying to escape the sounds.
Noise
meant discovery; discovery meant death. Ronon had
never been ready to die.
--
“You’re
quiet this morning,” Sheppard observed, gasping around the words in the
struggle for air.
An answer
wasn’t really required—very few things actually needed a response, in Ronon’s experience. Still, because it seemed like one was expected,
he managed to grunt, “Not much to say.”
Sheppard
nodded. “Right.”
After one
last stretch, they started running back, steps falling together in one loud,
repeating sound—Thud. Thud. Thud.
--
The
doctor moved differently than most, the unconscious inexperience of an animal
that had never faced a predator and known that raw fear. Rationally, Ronon knew that his words as he performed the routine
examination were meant to be comforting, but at the end of the day, words were
just words, and Ronon would rather do without th
As such,
he really wished that Dr. Beckett would shut up.
“Everything
looks good here,” the doctor pronounced, stepping away from the old wound on
his back where his reason for running had been cut out. “Now that the wound has
completely healed, we can see that there’s been no damage to the surrounding
tissue or nerves. I am afraid you’ll have a rather nasty scar, though.”
Ronon
liked that. Scars were important—visible r
He left
when the doctor’s back was turned. Much, much later, he realized that he
probably should have said ‘thank you’.
--
The
meeting with Weir and the rest of Sheppard’s team followed pretty much the same
format as all the others—go, explore, don’t say or do anything stupid.
Personally,
Ronon thought that the last bit too often proved to
be difficult for these people.
And of
course, there was a plan—some ruins that needed exploring, some locals to trade
with, and a set time to check in. They never went anywhere,
it se
So when
Dr. Weir turned to him and asked, “What do you think, Ronon?”
in that all too cheery voice of hers, Ronon had a
moment where he thought he might answer honestly—that he thought they spent an
awful lot of time preparing for every eventuality except the one that would
inevitably arise.
Instead,
he grunted out a short, “Sounds good.”
--
Sometimes
as he ran, he wondered if maybe the Wraith had won after all. In his struggle
to stay alive, had he sacrificed something more important? He r
He
worried, occasionally, that he was little more than an animal by now—all
instinct and little reason.
Because
she was the only person he knew he might understand, he searched out Teyla one morning before the sun had risen in the sky,
knowing that she’d be awake even if their hosts were not.
She knew
he was there, but did not rush to finish her meditation and rituals—Ronon certainly wouldn’t have wanted her to, anyway. When
she finally did open her eyes, she did not waste time with unnecessary
pleasantries. “You have been troubled.”
“Some,”
he admitted. “I didn’t know who else to….”
With a
gesture she waved him in, and he sat on the bed next to her because it was the
only place to rest. “It is fine. I am glad you have come. The others…they are
kind, but they do not always understand. It is perhaps uncharitable of me, but
I often think that they have had very…easy…lives.”
“I
noticed,” he replied wryly.
They sat
in a long silence, and Ronon welcomed the
understanding it held. When it was broken, it was his choice, a conscious effort that left him feeling a little more
in control. “I still feel like I’m running,” he admitted, and there was the
truth of it. Life here was never fast enough, not to keep up with the frenetic,
desperate pace of years gone by. So he pushed, wanting the world to be faster,
harder, quieter. The only trouble was that Atlantis pushed right back. “I’m
worried I’ll never r
She
thought over this and finally replied, “I believe that you have already begun.”
It was a
thought that hadn’t occurred to him; but the more he considered her words, the
more they made sense. After all, there had never been much time for thought
before, and he’d certainly been doing more than his share of that lately.
Maybe,
there was hope after all.
Because
he did not yet have the words to express his gratitude, he leaned forward and
kissed her.
When she
began to kiss back, Ronon wished for the first time
that he could make life pass slower.