Title: Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom!

Author: Christi (christim@comcast.net)

Rating: PG

Timeline: Season 9, give or take.

Category: Fluffity fluff fluff (though, to be fair, it’s not as painfully fluffy as it first seems).

Disclaimer: Woe is me, for I am poor and Joe Mallozi is not….

Author’s Note: Hrm. Yes, this is disturbingly fluffy and has been done many, many times before. But uh…oh well. kate98 and caroly_248 beta’d, because they are lovely like that. Also, I sort of inadvertently managed to make this work for control_freak80’s “Gilmore Girls title” challenge—I didn’t set out to write a fic for that, but when I went to title it, this was the first thing that came to mind.



“I’m home!” Sam called out as she entered the house, dropping her keys and the mail on a small table in the front hall while simultaneously managing to slip off her shoes.


“We’re in here!” answered a voice from the family room.


Sure enough, as she turned the corner she could make out Jack sprawled across the couch, a bundle of blonde curls and high-pitched giggles sitting on his chest. And, of course, there was The Simpsons playing on the television.


“Corrupting her early, I see,” Sam observed while stooping down to brush a kiss against her husband’s forehead in greeting.


“You should be proud that our daughter has the good taste to enjoy fine television programming,” Jack pointed out, looking entirely too smug. “Have you eaten?”


“Nah, I just wanted to get home.” It went without saying that if someone had told her a year ago that those words would ever leave her mouth, she probably would have laughed. 


Thankfully, Jack just nodded. “Well, I made a casserole. It’s in the kitchen.”


That…was slightly disturbing. “Casserole?”


“Yeah. Chicken,” he confirmed, as though he made casseroles every day of the week. “Where are the triplets?”


For lack of a better response, Sam blinked. “Triplets?”


Jack still seemed to think nothing was strange about this conversation—which quite frankly, was only worrying Sam more. “You remembered to pick them up from daycare, didn’t you? You know how moody Danielle and Jacobina get when they’re not fed regularly. We’re lucky that Teal’colette takes after her namesake.”


Thankfully, that’s when Sam jerked awake, the rather appalling name ‘Teal’colette’ ringing in her ears.


Disoriented, she tried to shake off the somewhat surreal dream, but something kept nagging at her. With near Herculean effort, she broke free from Jack’s arms—he was the clingy type, as it turned out—and flipped over. Once situated, she poked Jack in the side. “Wake up.”


He snuffled and rolled away from her somewhat insistent finger. Great.


She poked again—harder this time. “Come on. Wake up.”


His hand rose, sort of flapping towards her finger in a pathetic attempt to bar its attack. “No. Go ‘way.”


If she wasn’t so annoyed, she’d probably think that his was kind of cute. “I need to ask you something.”


One eye cracked open and glared at her somewhat petulantly. “And then I can go back to sleep?”


Yes.” NOT cute, she mentally insisted—despite his mussed hair and sleepy expression.


He yawned widely, a hand unconsciously pulling her closer to him—or perhaps not so unconsciously, considering the way it started trailing up and down her spine.


Frustrated—and a little chagrined by how nice that felt—Sam dove right into what was bothering her. “Do you want kids?”


Now both eyes were wide open and eyeing her with a mixture of shock and amusement. “What, right this second?”


No, definitely not cute—he was just a pain in the ass. “Jack.”


“Sorry, sorry. I just…way to take a guy off guard there, Carter.”


Thinking of her disturbing dream, she couldn’t help but agree. “Tell me about it.”


Now, he just looked confused. “Huh?”


“Nothing. So?”


For once, he looked serious. “I don’t know. I’ve thought about it—a lot, actually.”


That was oddly touching. “Really?”


He rolled his eyes. “Don’t go getting sappy on me there, Carter. But yes, it has crossed my mind from time to time.”


Valiantly trying to curb any overly sentimental emotions, she just nodded. “And?”


He heaved a sigh and seemed strangely serious. “I don’t know. I’m not exactly spry anymore, you know. And there’s the whole cross-country thing to contend with, added to the fact that our jobs aren’t exactly infant-friendly. But when I think about having kids with you…yeah. I can’t say I’d turn down the chance.”


It was the closest thing to a perfect answer that she could imagine, and Sam brushed a kiss against his collarbone. “Yeah…me either.”


Whether or not he understood how huge of a step that was for her, she didn’t know. But the fact remained that this was the first time she had even entertained the thought of children without a certain amount of panic entering the equation.


While she was lost in her thoughts, distracted and off-guard, Jack rolled her onto her back, his warm weight pressing her into the mattress. “Was there a particular reason for this late night inquisition, or do you just enjoy screwing up my REM cycle?”


Sam smiled up at him. “I just wanted to know.”


“Ah,” he said, beginning to kiss her neck. “You know, now that you’ve gone and woken me up, you really should entertain me.”


She pretended to consider this proposal with the utmost seriousness. “I suppose that could be arranged,” she finally agreed. “But tell me something else first.”


“Shoot,” he replied, his mouth having worked its way somewhere behind her ear.


“Can you make chicken casserole?”


He pulled away, looking at her strangely. “You’re just full of fun questions tonight, aren’t you?”


She shrugged. “This is what happens when I eat Chinese food before bed.”


Obviously confused by what one thing had to do with another, Jack just answered her question with another question. “Can you make chicken casserole with beer?”


She honestly didn’t know, but she couldn’t imagine that it would be a good thing. “I don’t think so.”


“Then, no, I can’t make chicken casserole.”


She pulled him closer, kissing him. “Good. Don’t ever learn.”




Also, I should probably note that I’ve seen the name ‘Teal’colette’ in a fic before, though I can’t remember where exactly. If you are the original owner of said silly name, I apologize for stealing it to do my bidding.