Unusual Punishment

Title: Unusual Punishment

Rating: PG

Timeline: Season Ten, but no spoilers, really.

Pairing: Jack/Sam

Author’s Note: Um, I wrote this as comment!fic for kate98, who then requested that I post it as a silly stand alone piece. Because it was comment!fic for her and she wanted me to, I complied. Thus, the ficlet before you. (Oh. I also owed control_freak80 jello fic as part of our fanfic10. One more down!)

Sam did NOT look happy. In fact, she looked downright pissed off. Which was bad, because an angry Carter was synonymous with an if-you-think-we're-having-sex-tonight-you-are-SO-delusional Carter.

Seeing as Jack really loved having sex with Carter, this made him sad.

"It was Teal'c's idea!" he offered.

Now Teal'c was giving him the Jaffa-empowered equivalent of the evil eye. But seeing as Jack had absolutely no interest in sex with Teal'c, he found this to be much less of a problem.

"Actually, General, I think it was you that said..." Jonas shut up when Jack broke out his trusty I-am-the-General-and-if-you-defy-me-I-will-be-GROUCHY look and aimed it in the visiting alien's direction. It was nice to know that he even after a year trapped in Washington, he hadn't lost his edge.

Sam was still dangerously silent. Next to Sam, however, the leather clad alien woman (Veela? Vooloo? Vala!) grasped two bars and poked her head through them. "You know, I'm not entirely certain I've ever been on this side of the law before. I feel like we've missed all the fun."

Cassie, who was entirely too grown up now and enjoying all of this just a tad too much, shot an evil glance in Jack's direction. "Well, we were just getting to the good part."

Now, there was an image that would haunt him. Jack shuddered and tried desperately to remember Cassie in pigtails.

Next to him, Cameron made a fatal mistake. "Really, it wasn't as bad as they made it out to be," he tried to explain.

That just caused Sam to turn her cold gaze towards him. For Jack, this was an improvement in the situation—though he couldn’t help but feel sorry for Cameron, who had yet to really experience the full wrath of a pissed Carter. "I don't want to hear a word out of you. I was counting on you to be the responsible one! The voice of reason! Two...out-of-towners, one easily drunken archeologist, and Jack does not a sensible party make!"

Jack snickered at the thought. Really, Cameron kept that inner-frat boy hidden quite well. But tequila shots and paintball would break through anyone's veneer of respectability.

Luckily, Cameron was saved from further public castigation by the arrival of a guard, who proceeded to unlock the holding cell. They all shuffled into the hallway one by one, attempting to look appropriately contrite—except for Daniel, who was too drunk to look anything but…well, drunk. Sam, however, appeared unrelenting, turning her wrath back to Jack.

"Don't you have anything to say to me? Like, maybe an apology for breaking up my bachelorette party to come and bail you out of jail? After getting arrested for public indecency, nonetheless?"

Jack snorted. “It was a bogus charge! I mean, if they thought that was indecent, they should have seen us half an hour earlier.”

Her glower only increased. “You’re not exactly helping yourself, Jack.”

He thought for a minute, consciously trying to look as cute as possible. After careful deliberation, he decided that the best tactic for survival would be simple, old-fashioned, sucking up. "This whole wedding thing? Really great idea. Definitely your best yet."

She valiantly tried to hold it in, but he could tell that she was breaking. Sure enough, after a moment or two of tense silence, an exasperated smile escaped. "It's really hard to take you seriously when the bulk of your hair is blue, you know."

Ah, yes. The red-alert zone had officially passed. Knowing that he wouldn’t be risking the loss of one of his limbs now, he pulled her close, wiggling his eyebrows lecherously. "All part of my evil plan. I know blue is your favorite color."

"Mmm," she said, allowing him to kiss her neck once or twice before pushing him away. "All right. You're free now. We are going to continue our party."

"Whatchya doin'?"

Cassie shot him a grin that was disturbingly Janet Fraiser, through and through. "We were just on our way to Jello wrestling."

Guh. Sam. And Jello. In her white T-shirt. With Jello. Fighting and wrestling and stuff. In Jello.

"I don't suppose--" he started hopefully.

Sam kissed him, grinning. "An hour ago, I was thinking about calling you up and inviting you. Now? Not a chance in hell."

And here Jack had thought that there were laws against the infliction of cruel and unusual punishment.