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by Katrina and Christi

Post-Desperate Measures

It was a beautiful day. Carter was back, safe and sound, and he had a plan. A brilliant plan that was moments away from being instated. It was enough to make Jack whistle a little as he slid into his truck and hit his speed dial.

Two rings.



She sounded frazzled and that made him pause for a second and attempt to hear any telling background noise. There was the sound of shuffling before a curious “Sir?” came over the line.

Nothing suspicious so far, thus nonchalant was his greeting of choice. “Hey, Carter.”

“Good morning, sir,” she replied. “Everything okay?”

Shit. Too nonchalant. “Uh, yeah.” He thought he heard her sigh in relief. “Just, you know, checking to see what color BDU’s you were planning to wear today.”

There was an incredulous pause. “Sir?”

“Well, think about it. We’re the flagship, best of the best, number one team. Don’t you think we should attempt to wear matching uniforms every once in a while?” Yeah. That was believable.

A door slammed on her end. “Um…sure? I guess that makes…sense.”

“Yeah. I know it’s kind of silly that it took me five years to think of it. But…” he was losing her, he could tell. “Daniel thinks blue today.”

“You called Daniel this early and he actually agreed to this?”

Okay, so maybe he was lying. “Uh-huh. And he says blue today.” So lying.

He could imagine the look on her face – he called it her ‘the colonel has eaten too much cake’ look. “Well, blue it is then.”

“Great!” he agreed enthusiastically, silently thanking…whatever was up there that he had made it through this conversation. “All right, well, I’ll see you in a bit. Drive safe.”

“You too, sir.”

Jack grinned as he hung up. Carter was a-okay. So far, so good. Except for the whole…lying thing.

Glancing at the clock display on his dashboard, he winced before he began punching in a new number.

One ring.




“What?” a groggy voice growled.


Silence. Silence was not good.

“Hey, so do me a favor and wear your blue BDUs today.”

“What time is it?” Damn.

“I don’t know. But will you do it?”

“I’ve already got my green pants on.”

“Well, put your blue ones on instead. I have a plan.”

“I’ll see you at work, Jack.” Double damn.

“I’ll give you a hundred bucks.”


“And I’ll bring you gourmet coffee for a month.”

Daniel just groaned. “Whatever you’re up to, I want no part of it.”

“Oh, come on Daniel. One hundred and fifty bucks.”

A long suffering sigh was Daniel’s response before he finally growled out, “Fine.”

Victory! “Oh, and one more thing?”

“I’m hanging up in five seconds.”

“Pass the message along to Teal’c.” More silence. “Daniel?” No response.

He glanced at his phone and saw that Daniel really had hung up. Well, here’s to hoping, Jack thought as he rubbed his chin before he put his phone in his pocket.


Sam tapped her fingers on her steering wheel. That had been…odd. The colonel was definitely up to something. She grabbed her phone and hit number three on her speed dial.

“Sam, I swear, I’m about to establish a no phone calls before seven a.m. rule.”


“Never mind. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I’m attempting to confirm something suspicious.”

“Okay, seriously. I don’t do cryptic well in the morning!”

Sam winced at his irate tone. “Sorry. But the colonel called me this morning and said you wanted to wear blue this morning.”



“Well, I actually just got off the phone with Jack.”

She grinned. The colonel was so busted. “Really?”

“Really. He offered me one hundred and fifty bucks and a month’s worth of coffee if I decided to wear blue today.”

“Huh indeed,” Sam agreed, processing this new information.

Daniel sighed. “So, he’s freaking out about…what now?”

“I did just get kidnapped.”

“That was over two weeks ago.”

“Thanks, Daniel. I love you, too.”

“You know what I mean. This is belated. Even for him.”

“Maybe,” Sam allowed. “If that is it though, I wonder why he didn’t just say so instead of all…this.”

“He’s Jack. He doesn’t really do that.”

“Well, he didn’t use to. But I thought that we….” she didn’t finish the thought.

Daniel just groaned. “You guys are both trying to drive me insane aren’t you?”

“Well, we lead such boring lives.”


“So, Daniel.”


“Two hundred bucks and anything else you want if you don’t wear blue today.”

“Goodbye, Sam.”


“You are such a traitor.”

Daniel glared up at Jack from where he was seated at a commissary table, crouched around his morning coffee. “What can I say? Got a better offer.”

“She knows? Dammit Daniel, you’re a traitor and a plan ruiner!”

“Jack, your brilliant plans are never really as brilliant as you think they are,” Daniel muttered.

“Not true,” Jack insisted.

“So very true,” Daniel shot back.

“Fine. I guess it’ll just be me and Teal’c road tripping to Vegas next weekend, then.”

“You’re making my point for me,” Daniel insisted.

Jack plopped down across from him, glowering darkly. Daniel just looked at him, willing the caffeine to kick in enough to deal with this. “You’ve got to stop this, you know.”

“Stop what?” Jack asked innocently.

“This back and forth crap. Sam is the textbook opposite of stupid, Jack, but you’re confusing the hell out of her.”

“By all means, enlighten me.”

Daniel sighed, blowing on his coffee. “One week, you’re whatever you two are on a beach. The next, you’re not even visiting her in the Infirmary. Then you’re calling her up in the morning talking about color coordinated BDUs?”

“…See, when you put it like that….”

“I didn’t put it like that, it is like that,” Daniel said grimly. “I’m trying like hell to stay out of this, but would you please just make up your mind?”

“I…it wasn’t about….”

“I know, I know. It was just you, being paranoid as per usual.”

“It’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get your second in command,” Jack insisted.

Daniel didn’t feel up to dignifying that with a response. After a moment, Jack sighed.

“Fine, fine,” he conceded. “But….”


“But could we assign a color for each day or something? Because I really do think it would look cool.”

So, I’m pretty sure I stole the concept from the pants!verse. mylittleredgirl and all other pants people, forgive me.

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